Thursday, March 29, 2007

big dog sized hole in the house

I miss Whiz, Zac does too.

But why can't I get a house call where the doc will give me a big hug, make me comfortable and let me say adios. We do it for the animals we love, yet we won't give it to people. Sucks.

Saw t-doc today, saw p-doc today. He is still optimistic. I'm not.

Am now working on how many puny, useless benzo's I can take, mixed with how much vodka, before I hit the sweet, sweet moment of take them and sleep. More than hoped, more than expected.

I just can't do this any more. I need out, and I don't want to hurt people by doing it. But everyday I open my eyes and think 'oh fuck, dying in my sleep didn't happen'. Everyday it's just a bit less important to not hurt others, and a bit more of 'just let me outta here.'.

I have the best family posible. I have the best p-doc possible, the best t-doc, the best jobs. Just a pity I am such an asshole loser that I can't live up to them all.

No comments: