Wednesday, July 30, 2008

and a bit more of most things

so, the chicken and two mynahs and a bunch of pigeons all went to their new home at the beginning of the week. Chook, of course was a huge hit. She must be the ugliest bird I have ever seen, but somehow appealing anyway. What was really funny was to see Gustav the Egyptian goose (who is a non-flier that I homed there a year ago) stalking around her with this look of "WTF is this thing"! Cockatiel went today, so now it's down to 9 feral pigeons.

And I'm off to visit my parents at the other end of the country tomorrow. We had a really bad scare, when the gynae found a 5cm tumour on my mom's ovary. Emergency surgery this morning, and thank God it was benign. Didn't realise until my dad called with the results and I basically folded up and sat on the floor cos all my muscles went limp, how tense we'd all been. Going down just to keep them company and do whatever errands I can to help.

Otherwise, my focus is totally dude-centric, and awesome. Almost six months now, and just gets better every day. And scarier, because he is so totally different to me, and sometimes I am really not sure of what I have let myself in for. Dude-blog post to follow, probably tomorrow, about the last week or so. In a detached observer way, it interests me that I see him as so strong, and so in control, but that - as is happening at the moment - if there is anything or anyone that threatens him, I would kill without any qualms. If that was what was needed.

In the rehab context, I have euthanased when birds or animals have been in pain beyond fixing. I drew my line at doing it based on 'invasive' species like mynahs or ferals, which is how I ended up being the specialist in those species. I have only ever killed once on purpose, when I hunted a blesbok and shot it. My cousin, who arranged the hunt (and selected the buck, as an unwanted male that he would have had to cull regardless), also made sure that I did everything else - the head shot, bleeding out, slaughtering and processing the meat. I will probably never ever hunt again, but if I have to, I know that I can do it. As an extension of that, while I don't think I would ever choose to kill a person for any other reason, if they threaten what I love, I don't believe that I would have a problem with that either. It's a very small group that I would defend that way - immediate family, three maybe four others, and the dude. Him especially, although he is more than capable of looking after himself. Guess this is something I should raise with girlshrink when I see her next week. Oh yeah, but I'd need to add her and pdoc to the group as well!

Friday, July 18, 2008

a little bit of everything

some rehab time, both at the centre and at home. I got conned royally though, when I went to fetch a feral pigeon on Monday, by Boss-lady. She gave me this semi-serious talk about how nice she had been to keep the pigeon for me, and then announced that as recompense for that she had a special case for me to look after. And gave me.....
a chicken. Seriously. This is a plump, healthy adult chook, who was obviously on her way to be sold as live meat-on-the-umm,claw? and escaped from the back of the transport truck. She bailed out...on a really busy road in the middle of rush hour traffic. Bear in mind that her wing feathers have been stripped bare, so apart from the natural chicken-flight incapabilities, she would have fallen like a fat round rock. Having not been slaughtered or run over or picked up by the large pedestrian contingent for supper, she ended up at the rehab centre. And then, ended up with me. She needs time for her (viciously-trimmed) beak to regrow a bit, and maybe her wing feathers too, and then I'll have to find her a permanent home. Meantime, she has very proudly laid two eggs, so it's either going to be a whole flock for homing, or I'll have a lot of new-laid omelettes!

some work time too, partly in the ongoing team-building program that is the only good thing that my boss, the virtual manager or ball-less wonder, as he is mostly known, has ever done. It was an awesome session, with just my immediate team and the facilitators, who are really good. A few other bits too, just to justify my bill at the end of the month.

some study time as well. This is so not fun studying - but it's important, and I was reminded this week that it will also increase my marketability quite a bit. And I get this little smirk every time I settle down to do it, because I think about the dude and how he is motivating me.

some buddy time - one of my longest-lasting friends is over here from Australia for three weeks, and it is great to see her. We just don't connect well via mail, but in person it's as if the years apart never happen.

and best of all, lots of fun dude time. He wanted to see if we could find a shoulder holster for his handgun, so it included lots of surfing to find local stores, and then a couple of outings to try and get one. Found a great one for me first, and then today we found one for him. I just love going places with him, even when we get a bit lost or sit in heavy traffic. There's always something to talk about, and mostly to laugh about too, and nicest of all, he holds hands for a lot of road-time and I can just enjoy feeling how strong he is, and how warm... :-)

mood-wise, still all over. I cry a lot, over nothing. But in between I am so, so happy. Love really does make most things better.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

celebrating a saturday...

....the last week especially has felt just as good as it used to feel when I was a kid and there was a school holiday. There's this whole anticipation when you wake up, thinking about all the things you could do today if you wanted to, and all the things that you don't have to do as well!

I knew I hated the #2 job, and that it wasn't good for me or for them really, but until this Monday I hadn't realised exactly how much I hated it. The theory was that I was helping them out, and that in turn, the extra cash would help with the dude-expenses. But it didn't really work either way, and not having to go there this week felt so awesome.

Added to which, there has been lots of extra-good dude time. At a cost, of course, but it's a cost I am willing and able to afford for now. Stuff like he drives a really old and unreliable car, won't have it rewired because it's expensive. It's an amount that I would think twice about blowing on nothing, but I've paid for family dinners where a meal for 5 of us was about half the total - just for dinner. So telling him to get it done, even if he jokes about 'permission from the bank manager', is not an issue for me. What is a problem is when he can't get here because of the car, or when he ends up stopped on the side of the freeway in a not-great area. In the same way as I'm used to living with a family who can generally spend way more than I can without blinking, I'm now getting used to being with someone to whom my ad-hoc expenditure is huge. Only thing that I wish I could get him to appreciate is the value of what he does for me, and how priceless some of that is.

One example? He is really keen on studying further, both for his own knowledge (bible studies, general business courses) , and for possible future earnings (health-related serious courses). He asked about what I could be doing that would benefit me in my current career, and I mentioned IBM certification. He nagged me until I found out what was involved, then he nagged till I ordered the books. He was more excited when they came than I was. So last night I skimmed through the 1st one, then registered for an online sample exam. 90 minutes of sweat, plus some serious throw the textbook at the PC moments, but I passed it !!... so once I've read the textbook, I'm sure I'll be able to do it for real. Sent him a joking text, get one back saying 'I am proud of u'. That's priceless. It really is.

Having him with me yesterday for an hour's drive to a nearby town to drop off a stray kitty that I'd found a home for was wonderful. The way he let the cat out of the basket because she was scared, and the way he sat for 30 minutes with her in his arms, so that she was so comfortable she fell asleep (and farted like a champion 'cos she'd overeaten in the morning!) was more than wonderful. Not to mention the way he made me laugh for 3 hours, the way we talked crap about anything and everything the whole way back, the way being lost in a strange city was fun instead of being stressful. Priceless, and more valuable than he will ever know. And that's before I even get into how good it is to drive with my hand on his leg...:-)

Blush. This post is on the border of being banished to the dude-blog, but think I have managed to keep it anonymous and under a PG rating!! To sleep, to sleep....less than twelve hours to dude-alicious time again...

Friday, July 4, 2008


I got fired, albeit very nicely and not in so many words, from the #2 job today. Seems like very nice boss-lady has finally realised what I knew a while ago - that I am not skilled enough in the area that she needs to make much of a difference, and that what would help for her - having a warm body on site all day - isn't really feasible for me at the moment. So she told me tactfully today by phone that she thinks that new trainee guy can handle most of what is needed while she is away, and that if I can finish off the code I am working on, she'd prefer it if I could be available but not involved. What can I say? I gapped out of there like the proverbial bat, danced into the dude's arms when I got home singing 'i got fired! i got fired!' It was a favour for a friend, and I knew within a few days that it wasn't a good match, but at the same time I didn't want to let bosslady down anymore than I was already by being a useless programmer.

But yay! All I have to do is finish off some testing, and then I am out of there! I am so relieved that I am not even going to think of billing them for this weeks hours!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

calmer waters

horrendous weekend. Not only the whole dude crisis, but just about everything else. Including Fridays arrival of an extra ten starving little pigeon bodies, so all my normal crisis coping mechanisms had to be avoided in order to get feeding done at about the right times.

Didn't really matter, because between Friday afternoon and late Monday, I couldn't have made myself sleep for more than 4 hours even with the liberal application of a ten pound hammer to my head, the thought of food or drink just made me race for the toilet to puke, and there was no ways that I could lie in the bath either. So about all I did was cry, pace, cry, smoke, cry, shiver with cold. First time this year that I have had to wear layers of clothes and slippers and duvets, and even so I stayed cold for three days.

And then the dude was here, and while it's not exactly a past issue, it's sorted for now. There is a lot I need to think about for myself, but he is still in my life. And the world kind of resolved again. I eventually ate of Monday evening, slept, went back to shorts and tees....

Oh, and didn't get fired from 2nd job, although I was really hoping I would be. Instead, I reduced my rate, agreed to more hours on site, and finished fixing the code I was working on. And realised too, that the last three months of good mood are far more a result of the dude than the meds. Bummer.

A whole lot of issues to think about, and decide on....but for now I feel kind of like one of those '50s girl bands, all pink and bubble-gum and doo-wop while they sing about the boyfriend is back and the universe is good again. Eeeww! that is just so not me! Or maybe it is??