I feel like such a total bitch. Because the whole fucking world was already falling apart before. And my darling dog has become just another layer of pain.
I owe him more than that. I owe him a time of missing him and loving him and thanking him for his very special part in our lives. And I'm just not giving him what he deserves. The whole awful loss is just blurred into the rest of my whole awful, selfish being.
And poor Zac, as well. He's lost his longtime companion, and must be feeling devastatingly insecure. I'm trying to love him and fuss over him, and reassure him. But I think I'm just making him feel worse.
I honestly believe all my animals would be better off in other homes.