yaaaaaawwwwnnn

- long day, long week. Long month too - did my timesheet for July, which covered from June 15 - July 22, and it totalled at just over 230 hours. That's more than a month for most people, it's more than I average in about 4 months! And this current one is probably the same, particularly seeing that there are only two developers who know the system I have to upgrade. One is just way too busy on his current projects, the other transfers out from this client at the end of July, and couldn't give the proverbial continental.

And as of today, I told # 2 exactly where to get off. As in, he's transferring within the company, and if this client really wants him back, he won't have much option other than to quit. I'm doing 90% of the work the developers should be doing, because I just want this upgrade over and done with, and if it is going to happen this year, then there are severe time pressures now. If kicking his ass 10 levels up is what it takes, and if I am going to put in 13 - 16 hour days to do his work, then he will do the f-ing bits that I can't do for him.

I didn't want to take this on because of the pressure. If my manager hadn't changed in the meantime, I'd go to him and remind him of that - unfortunately, new one knows nothing of why I was reluctant. And I don't feel like telling him all about how much of a stuff-up I am. He'll work it out for himself soon enough anyway.

And apart from anything else, I am so strung-out at the mo, having changed meds completely after the Ket farce. If I was still on the Nardil I couldn't be doing these hours, because I'd be asleep for half of them. Current combo is Remeron 60mg, Pexola 0.75mg, Inderal 60mg and sundry sleeping pills. Irritability is sky high. Don't know if it's meds causing mood, or mood negating meds. But if I go by the textbooks, this might be my first ever hypomanic episode. If one can be hypomanic when the pressure to achieve is all external...I couldn't care less. Only reason I'm doing it is to get it over with.

Oh yeah, and so that I can do things to my garden. It's a major part of the dead list - as in, having something other than a dust bowl can add R100K to selling price, which justifies doing it. But rock and big plants are expensive, hence the need for income.

I just can't see this one ending nicely. It's kind of tighter and tighter in circles, until I implode. And that's coming way sooner than I need.