Friday, January 5, 2007

she was waiting for her mother at the station...

Oh shit. Having a Shawn Phillips retrospective. How come I never realise it at the start??, that whoever I'm listening to repeatedly, at home and in the's almost always not good.

Mostly I see it about 3 days into the lost world, when I realise I keep driving places and never seeing where I'm going 'cos I'm crying too much.

How much of the theory about how really close women friends atune their cycles to one another is believable? OK, so I've never discussed too much of my menstrual cycle with female housemates, but at the moment my best buddy Duckling and I are so attuned emotionally that it is scary. We don't see it as empathy - rather, it's a confessional thing. When we eventually say to each other that we're free falling into hell - almost always turns out that the other one of us has been spiralling out and out, and trying not to down the buddy on the way. I do believe that when the movement is upward - ha fucking ha! - that we'd be there together. Just that in the last two years there ain't been so much of that. As in almost zero - ok, in truth..about 36 hours. She is a rapid-cycling mixed state BP. So her moods are sometimes transient and hard to judge. And occasionally psychotic.

Sometimes it really helps to be able to tell someone what a loser I am, and to know that they can really empathise, not because of training, or not because they care. But because they really do know how it feels.

So at the moment, we don't talk too much, because neither of us wants to drag the other down any further. Hey ya anyway.

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