busy, busy, busy

- well, busy for me at least. Standard wake up late, standard stuff around feeding cats and birds, cleaning up bird cages etc.

Then off to see p-doc, who is very umimpressed with nose and its current state, because it interferes with his drugs. So for this week, all we do is increase Cipralex/Lexapro to 60mg, cut the Ludiomil down to nothing, and then, nose permitting, start a real dog of a med next week - Leponex/Clozaril. Not only is it a fat drug (or cuddly...as J so sweetly euphemises it), but it is likely to make you drool and wet the bed, as well as a whole bunch of other stuff. But : as always, if that is what it takes to lift this whale-shit feeling off the sea bed, I'll take it and hope.

We also talked a bit about Ketamine - a few months ago I was really interested in this, after some of the initial studies on its rapid, rapid mood elevation. I would still be keen to try it - imagine spiking a drug and waking up happy within a day! He has a new variation though, using ket and valium in a controlled theatre situation, followed by (and this is the exciting bit that he couldn't remember the link to....) an enhanced response to most a/d's. Cool,cool,cool bananas. If I can find the study to back it up - and it then becomes a theatre drug trip every few months with - dare I even hope - something like a standard 20mg dose of Prozac. Absolute heavenly choirs and angels on fluffy clouds etc!

But meantime it is just removing stuff, so there's the offchance of being cast deeper into the wallowing pits of despair. Which is deep enough already, I spent half the appt crying, and I really, really hate crying in front of him.
And then if nothing to date brings sunshine, it's on to the Nardil.

And after all the various p-delights on offer, I went to see t-doc. So first of all she got the remainder of p-docs tears. Then she got her own lot over the meerkat thing and what a failure I am there, and then we somehow managed to get in another 2 or 3 crying subjects.

Post t-doc, I went to drop off a dove at the rehab centre , a two minute in and out delivery. Bosslady figures I owe her for dropping out of the meerkat trip, and exacted retribution in the form of assisting with the catching and crating of the said devils spawn. Hometime stretched from 15h15 to 19h55, with lots of hard labour, resulting in a totally aching and sore jcat. I swear...no-one out there has any idea of what a non-existent body fitness indicator I have. I am the one the machines won't even start up for in case I expire while on them. Bad bad bad bad.

Just no more bad for tonight please, this inn is full - even the stables.