very good recipe

Prepare ingredients:
100 ml vodka, plus as little coke lite as it takes to make it palatable
100 mg trimipramine
450 mg lithium
4 mg loprazolam - benzodiazepine
7.5 mg (or 15 mg) zolpidem

Shake all dry ingredients in hand. Wish longingly that you had the guts to take the rest of what's available.
Swirl vodka and coke, consider that 100 ml could make many grown men fall over, yet you are using it as a drug wash-down.

Swallow all pills, along with vodka.

Go sit somewhere safe, like the bathroom, for a last cigarette before sleep.

Wait.

Sometimes sleep comes.

Sometimes it doesn't. In which case, repeat the zolpidem/vodka/benzo mix again.

I sent t-doc an sms last night, to say that maybe a time-out is getting necessary. Seeing as I lack the balls and the organisational skills to do it for good. She agrees. Just such a pity that I hit the wall on the weekend where p-doc's partner is on call - out of the 5 of them who do coverage, she is the only one who I don't want to see at all. History, and small birds in hospitals....

I think tonight is a repeat the z/v/b combo again. Because it's not working after 30 mins, and that is longer than I can handle. When it gets to out-a-here, it needs to be fast.....