irony, irony, irony....

A sunny afternoon, one of the few this month. A complete shortage of vodka. So decided to take new bike for a bit of a race around the neighbourhood in pursuit of an open bottle store. Looked at helmet, decided against it. So what happens?

I get pulled over by the Metro cops. They give me lots of hassle about confiscating the bike and arresting me, until the one guy says to me 'you know it's illegal. So why?' And I said 'cos the sun is shining, it's a new bike, I just had to....'.

He rolled his eyes, pulled his own helmet out from the back of the van, said they'd follow me home (only about 10 blocks), and don't ever do it again. Thank you, cops!

So having put my own helmet on, I go back out on the vodka mission. Still dead sober. Pull over to get a soft drink. Moving too slowly, misjudge the weight of the bike, and can't hold it through the turn. Drop it on the right hand side - break the hand-brake and the mirror off, put a couple of small scratches on the exhaust. Fuck.
Dead sober and I drop the bike. How stupid is that.

Am almost at ex b/f's house, so phone him for help. He's out, will only be home in 30 mins, so find a pub I didn't know existed to wait at, that is only two blocks from his house. Ha. 4 double vodka's later, and they sell me a take-away bottle too.

I've lost it. I'm losing it even more. This morning along with my 75mg Nardil I figured bacon and eggs was a good idea. It's not only the drinking, although that is probably the worst of it. It's the whole death wish thing. If I don't have the guts to go right out and do it, it seems that I'll push it in every other way possible.

Left a msg for p-doc asking for an appt sooner than Thu. See if I get it. If I do, will throw up hands metaphorically and ask for help. If not? If not..