ketamine down

so I made it there on time, got into theatre, watched whole set-up with interest. Nice anaesthetist used warm saline, which made it feel good, at least. The Ket though was somewhat unpleasant. It's like watching a movie where single frames have been cut, so that there's just a slight discontinuity, and you have to think about whether a sentence actually made sense or not. And a feeling of things not being put together quite right, but you can't work out why. Talking is difficult, and following a conversation between two people is like trying to watch two separate movies at the same time - things only make sense when you focus directly on them. As a recreational drug, I'd avoid it - can imagine it must be really horrid in a club environment with more noise and more people. Don't think I embarrassed myself too much, other than one bit where I took p-doc's hand and forgot to let go of it. Eventually he said to me 'why are you holding my hand?', and I looked at it with bewilderment, because I wasn't sure why either.

I'd live with the administration though if it had the desired effect. It didn't. I was just sleepy and shaky for the rest of the day, and hit-the-wall kind of down since yesterday morning. Don't know if that is reaction to the drug, or disappointment at not feeling good the way I was expecting to, but am just so flat.

New meds : Pexola, Remerol, Inderal - told him about the major anxiety. So at least I sleep early again, although still with bad dreams. Damn...had hopes for that one.

Too miz to write about Paddles, but will probably fetch him tomorrow.