- tomorrow morning, have to be there by 06h00. Am panicking about sleeping through my alarm, something I have done every day this week. Sometimes because I am up late, and mostly working, sometimes because my anxiety levels are through the roof. I don't do anxiety, I don't know how to handle it. I can only presume that it's related to cutting down on all the meds so fast, and that it will go away soon. Meantime though I walk around the house at night with my gun loaded in my pocket because every little noise freaks me out. Would sleep with it under my pillow, but I am having so many really vivid nightmares that wake me up in a full on sweat, that I am too scared I'd grab it in my sleep.
Hopefully that's over after tonight. Either the Ket works, or I can ask Boyshrink for something to slightly lower the tension levels. I'm putting my stake on the Ket. Even though the thought of being unconscious and probably hallucinating in front of p-doc also has me nervous - I just know that if there is a possibility for saying inordinately indiscreet and embarrassing things, I'm gonna be the one discussing them in detail....cringe!
So tomorrow, if I don't end up either manic or psychotic, and get to come home as opposed to being bunged into the psych ward again (p-doc suggested packing for 3 or 4 days just in case.....), I'll write not only about the Ket, but also about Paddles.
Sleep well y'all - if I'm to be up at 05h00, I'd better tuck into bed now.
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