sos-dd

...as ex BF used to say. Same old shit - different day. Boss hasn't replied to any of my emails, or done anything of use to me that I know of. Went sideways, and got the opposition to book the meeting as I don't have access to the calendar system because I don't use the company mail. Big-boss - I know it isn't really funny, but it is anyway - well, copied him on grouchy mail on Sunday night, and he went and had a heart attack and is now in ICU. Don't know whether he read my mail or not - hope not! All the stuff that didn't work still doesn't. Got some feedback from developers, so now I have work to do, but between being in the garden and having to go places, I haven't started on it. Great. When I needed it over the weekend, I couldn't have it. Now that I don't feel like it, it's here. Typical idiot me.

Apart from that, meds do nothing, dreams are crap, still sleep badly even though I am always tired, mood still way down, but with the irritability way up. Anxiety is better though, mostly. And I'm digging holes in solid shale in the garden, so I hurt physically. Still haven't spoken to rehab-boss either, but have to go there tomorrow - guess I have to see if she says anything first.

At least the animals are healthy. And Gilbert the builder will hopefully finish this weekend, which will end that open flow of money. And I see p-doc tomorrow. He was talking about adding Aurorix (Manerix), but says that is so unknown that he has to check with manufacturers first. I figure we could try it anyway, seeing as I'm just about immune to side-effects, the Inderal is lowering my BP, and I'm off TCAs. It's damn expensive though, so hopefully he doesn't want to try it just yet - I am soooo broke till the end of the month.

Bipolar sucks. Depression sucks. Being old and fat and ugly sucks. Everything sucks.