Saturday, October 6, 2007


Been raining just about solidly for the last six days. I have a room full of little birds who ended up wet and on the ground. I've cried myself ugly over the last three books I've read - every time anything bad happens, every time anything good happens.
Supposed to stay on 450mg Aurorix for another three days still, but seeing as I have no side effects anyway, and pdoc reckons that he wants to get up to 750mg before he expects anything, I went up this morning to 600mg. No result by Thur, I'll go up again, and he can yell at me when I see him. He wants to do the hospital bit anyway, which I declined on the grounds of having too many birdlings. Wouldn't go anyway, even if the house was empty. But it's just too close - never mind being near the edge... I'm sitting there with my legs dangling over, ready to lean forward and just take the dive..

1 comment:

Aqua said...

My Pdoc has suggested the hospital every session (except my last about THAT on my blog...argh!). I would go, except that I have an old and sick dog at home. I actually wish I could go into the hospital. Last time I did it felt like a santuary.

So much so that my pdoc wasn't clear as to whether it was the ECT, or the stay in the hospital that made me feel better for a while. In the hospital I felt like I finally was free of all external expectations. I felt like my getting well was in the hands of someone else and all my guilt for not getting well disapated.

I hope you are able to go to the hospital if the urge to "jump" becomes so strong you are at risk of jumping. I would miss you. If you sense you are unable to reach out please write in your blog (or on my blog) and I will try to reach out to you.