Friday, June 13, 2008

strange and interesting times

so this morning started out with the next weapon in the stop smoking armament: hypnosis. The acupuncture has helped with cutting down enormously, sometimes even to no cigarettes at all (ok, those days have included a couple of drags on the old and dusty grass, even though I don't actually like feeling stoned anymore), but doesn't seem to be quite enough to kick it completely. What is strangest for me is that I don't even want to smoke at all when the dude is here, I would rather just breathe his unique scent. Days where I don't see him or where he is gone early are still bad though. So round two is the hypnotist lady.

I had to really beg her to take me because she said she isn't certain enough that I want it for myself. I do, but it is also way harder than I thought it would be. I was trying to get really honest with myself about why after the first appt on Weds. Closest I can get to it is that if the dude smoked I probably wouldn't even think of giving up. He doesn't, and I want to do it for him firstly. At the same time though, I have had enough positive comments from other people - without me saying anything to them at all - that I am kind of liking the idea apart from him. I'm at the stage now where I want it to happen, but I'm also realistic enough to see that without him I'd probably slip back to my previous 50-odd a day. It doesn't help that so many of my close friends smoke, and a couple are being really hard-headed about it being my decision not theirs, and smoking when we are together. And I am so feeble that I instantly scrounge a few and join them. So this is also going to impact on my already limited social life, because I just can't sit with people who are smoking and not do it myself. It's going to have to be a case of either they don't smoke or we don't meet. And being at home alone also doesn't help, because I pace around and end up convincing myself that tomorrow is a good time to stop completely. Hahaha.

so hypnotist lady did her stuff this morning. We'll see how it goes, but so far all the techniques aren't even touching sides. Only thing that helped for the day was having the dude here for most of it. And it was another awesome day, mostly.

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