Thursday, September 11, 2008

so the dudeblog is effectively dead

no reason for a dude blog without a dude, is there. Keeping it at the moment so that I can go back and torment myself late at night with it - cant work out how to copy it all formatted etc to anywhere else.

so friday two weeks ago I did the ultimatum/end the damn thing bit. Didn't see him till tues when he just arrived, said no decisions yet, and we were in bed before the kettle had even boiled. Lots of time and chat for the rest of the week, till eventually on tues I said that he needs to talk.

He did. I cannot remember a word of what he said, although I am trying desperately to recall it. Basically? Over. Gave back his keys to my house, some stuff still to exchange. I knew when I did the choice thing what he would have to choose, but it was the only way I could walk away from him. Even after that, he was still surprised by not being able to keep seeing me anyway as friends. I'm not his friend. I love him. I can't do casual anymore..

I am cold and numb and dead inside. Only wish that the deadness could get to the rest of me.


Aqua said...

Hi Jcat,
You are an amazing person. It takes so much strength to stand up for yourself, especially when what might help you the most hurts so much. It took courage to ask for whatyou wanted. I wish I could pop over a drink crantini's with you.

human carvery said...

hi, I was wondering 'where' you were, gentle hugs to you, no wise words but you aren't on your own & I'm glad you are 'only'' feeling dead, if you know what I mean?!?!

Take as much care of you as you can, you deserve it, mini x