Friday, October 3, 2008

very little

to say.

I am working, erratically. Frustrated as all hell, because the best thing that my company has ever done for employees seems to have been arbitrarily cancelled. Apparently, one of the other teams found 'team building' to be not so pleasant. Call it cultural divide - smart, trainee, woman, two degrees and can speak 5 languages including English. And very, very (trust me on this one) narrow-minded pair of team leaders who both come from a small company-town background where even English is considered waaay too liberal, because of take-overs and outsourcing, now working for multi-national corporate. Which still has a senior layer from the same background. Winner? The cultural throwback Neanderthals. I am too pissed off to even bother complaining.

Bird baby-season in full swing. Lots of screaming mouths, regular transfers to the centre, still not quite keeping up.

And the dude. Not quite over. Some of the parameters have changed, but not by much. I said to him on Weds that one of the things that I am obviously not very good at yet is not seeing him. As I gave him back his keys to my house.....

This is worse than giving up smoking cocaine. I managed that easily, and quickly, and although sometimes I still think back to how completely good it made me feel, in more than 7 years I have never considered even looking for a Nigerian.

Then again, crack never sent me a text message to say that it was thinking of me, but would respect my decision not to see it. He does. And an arbitrary message to say have a good day, or something similar.

And more than anything, there has never been any person, place or distraction that has made me breath deeply when I encounter it and then, with my entire body, heart and soul feel that this is it. I am home, at is where I belong.

Above anything, above everything, that defines the dude....

1 comment:

Lara said...

Oh my. Be careful, JCat. I worry about you!