friday night

So : what, if anything, has been accomplished in the last three days.

Back is still sore, but p-doc gave me some anti-inflammatories and pain-killers. And he dropped the morning Risperdal, and tonight is last 25mg Leponex. Start a new TCA (trimipramine) on Sunday, and Nardil on Monday. Quilonum, Zopimed, Tertroxin stay the same. He won't prescribe any Zopimed though - says if I want them, I can take them from my collection, which currently includes 73 plus 20 Stilnox.

He asked for collection, I declined. I wish I could walk in and say here, don't need them anymore. Guess that's a thought to work on.

Big dog's biopsies were all good - just normal little bumps. Expensive little bumps, but he's worth it. Zac-zac the collie is a bit upset that Whiz got to go out for the day, and has been doing his closer than a shadow trick since then - gets way too close to sending me flying every time I go anywhere. Needless to say, privacy in the bathroom is nonexistant. Small bathroom - big me, medium Zac and big Whiz.

One of the little finches died - it shouldn't have. So did a pigeon and a bulbul. On the other hand, the mynah that I was worried about is doing well, and the two teeny weeny mousebirds (guess is 2 days and 3 respectively) are doing ok. Touch wood. They eat between 0.1 and 0.2 ml of formula every half hour or so. I put formula plus pellet mix in for the finches, sparrow and thrush, and it appears as if little boy finch and the sparrow swam in it. Will have to give them a bath tomorrow.

Collected a pigeon with a fractured humerus, will need to take him to vet to get it strapped, as he is too feisty for me to do it by myself.

Squirmed out of afternoon shift at the rehab centre, not that I achieved anything constructive instead.

Finished the first two CD's of the best songs to die to. At this rate it's going to be about 10 hours worth - guess at least I won't run out of accompaniment.

Saw t-doc today, talked about friendships ending and other cheerful subjects. Gave her copies of the first 2 volumes. She's a bit dubious about the inclusion of a few Afrikaans songs - some of them are really beautiful though. Just not really translatable without losing the poetry.

I am sore and sad and - although normally I am alone, but not lonely - tonight is as lonely as I can ever be. All my fault. I am such a total f**kwit loser. I can't blame my Duckbuddy for dumping me - if I was her I'd have done that long ago, and for better reasons. Her reasons now were fallacy and overflow from her paranoia, but if she'd done it before when there were good reasons, it wouldn't have ended up being over nothing now.

Some of Springsteen's Nothing Man :

"You can call me joe
Buy me a drink and shake my hand
You want courage
Ill show you courage you can understand
The pearl and silver
Restin on my night table
Its just me lord, pray Im able

Darlin, with this kiss
Say you understand
I am, the nothing man
I am, the nothing man"