Saturday, March 10, 2007

random stupid things i have done # 1

The current inexplicable sore back muscles bit has reminded me of one of the forever embarrassing things from the past. You know, the ones that make you wonder what in hell planet you were on at the time....

So this one dates back to about 1993 or so. Long term relationship had ended, I was living on my own for basically the first time, seeing as I had gone from home to college to fiance. I was in my mid 20's, as hot as I have ever been, fit and tanned and sexy. And wild...I had a whole bunch of teenage stuff to catch up with!

One of the guys I was dating wanted me to go to a party with him, which I wasn't keen on, seeing as it would be a bunch of total strangers. He begged, I resisted. He begged some more, I agreed on condition that the very second I said I wanted to leave, we would go. So off we went to the party, armed with a couple of bottles of wine. For some strange (and to this day, unknown) reason, the hosts had suspended a coconut in the front door, at about 5' 10" from the floor.

Needless to say, it turned into a good party - especially the bit where this one guy was trying to get my date out of the room so he could get my number...'nother story!
And at about 23h00, with a fair bit of wine in me, I was standing in a group in the entrance hall. Someone came down the stairs and jumped at the coconut on the way past. Someone else speculated on whether it would be possible to kick the coconut - I think they were envisaging a running start down the stairs and across the hall, which was about 8' across.

I squinted at the coconut, handed my glass of wine to the man next to me, and propelled myself horizontally upwards from a standing start. OK, I didn't get to kick the damn thing, but I managed to get my entire body about 5'4" in the air, parallel to the floor.....after which I descended rapidly, still horizontal, landed on the tiled floor, thought in passing that my elbow was going to be damn sore the next day, stood up, retrieved my glass of wine, and said that I thought it was probably impossible.

And continued partying for another few hours.....

The following day my parents had come to my house, so that my Dad could help me with building a box for the pool filter motor. We were halfway through this when I turned to reach for a nail.

And froze. In complete agony. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I wondered whether this was a pre-death thing. After a few moments of eternity, whatever it was stopped, and I could breathe. Of course, doing this sort of thing in front of parents is not good - I was immediately bundled into the car and taken to the closest ER. Where about halfway through the exam, the doctor asks whether I have had a car accident or any major trauma in the past few days. The coconut appears before my mother is standing next to me....I have a second-splitting decision on what to says 'well?'...I have to confess to the coconut levitation attempt. He laughs hysterically at the mental picture. My mother doesn't. Not at all. Doc tells me that I have pulled the muscles joining my ribs to my spine, and that it's quite a common post-trauma thing. Gives me some meds, laughs a bit more, and shows us out.

It's one thing doing stupid tricks like that, it's a whole different animal trying to explain to your parents why...

No comments: