Monday, August 6, 2007

just don't know anymore

...maybe it's just running out of energy, maybe it's the med change, maybe it's getting wasted last week on weds and fri, maybe it's PMT, maybe it's the solar calendar. Or the lunar one. Or the gregorian or julian or octavian calendars.

Maybe it's just being a born loser.

Maybe it's payback for every bad thing I have ever done.

Maybe it's that I've outlived any usefulness I've ever had.

Maybe it's just having been here too long, too alone, too dark.

Too much. Too scared. Too lost. Too sore.

And when it gets down to the line, too chickenshit....

What if I'm wrong? If there's a hell I think I might be there already. Heavenly life, if only I didn't have to be here with myself....

What if I'm right? And this is all there ever will be?

Wish there were answers to all the stupid questions.

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