up and down, down and up...

...with the meds, that is. I just get the straight down all the way bit. Last week we dropped the Pexola by 0.25mg, and upped the Remeron to (would be) 90mg from 60mg.
Except at 75mg, I still sleep badly at night, but fall asleep in the bath and could sleep all afternoon too if I allowed it.

This week, we go from 0.25mg Pex bid to 0.5mg am, and 0.25mg at 16h00, with that going to 0.5mg after 5 days. Drop the Remeron back to 60mg. Up the Neurontin, which I've got up to 300mg on to 800mg asap. Change sleeping tabs to Dormicum. Lendormin did zip - only interesting thing about it as that it's widely used for anorexic cattle. Nope. No idea why. And keep the Inderal at 20mg tid, and the NAC at 500mg tid.

Chemist is going to love this one - I have 2 weeks each of Inderal and Pexola not yet dispensed, but the Pex is at a different dose from the one I'm now taking. I have a new script for two weeks of Inderal (same), Remeron (less), Neurontin (double) and Dormicum (new), and for 15 days of Pexola split into 0.75mg for 5 days and 1mg for 10 days. Plus I have varying quantities left of each anyway.

I'm back to using a spreadsheet to calculate what I need to take when, what stock I have, whether I have any not dispensed at the chemist - 12 med columns, 3 colours, 9 different dates that I run out on...

If I wasn't a psych patient already, working it out would be enough to make me one. Oh, and somewhere in the middle of most of the dates, he goes away for a week, so I need to work out before then what script I need to cover me for everything from 23/8 - 06/9, given that he doesn't trust me with huge quantities (but I think he's lost track himself), that it's quite likely to change next week anyway and again the week after....

Feeling insecure about him going away. And somewhere around then t-doc gets married, so will also be away. Haven't even asked her about dates yet - even the thought of them maybe both being away simultaneously terrifies me. Been reading an interesting book that as a sideline covers quite a lot of the initial theories on transference. Mostly I don't feel that they apply - until I think about this. Except that then there's also the whole 'am I borderline or partially so' question - mostly not, in my opinion, but I do have some of the markers some of the time. And the fear of abandonment one sticks it's head up right here. Ah hell - all true Gemini's are both bipolar and borderline, I think. And probably a bit schizo as well.

Meds about two hours ago, and I'm starting to feel that maybe I could sleep now. Adios all. Although all seems to be confined at the moment to one lonely reader from somewhere in the top half of SA. So night-night, solitary reader...