sleepy day..

...reduced remeron or not, (and upped pex and neurontin too), today was soooo sluggish. Even my supposed-to-be-fast VPN to work was almost one line download at a time. So had a bath-nap, worked for a while, had an afternoon nap while I left jobs running, and now, after having semi-sane cat buddy over for supper, am about to sleep again. Mostly due to the very rich oxtail stew that we've been talking about for 3 weeks as the ideal winter supper. Finally made it yesterday, and it's been brewing away all day.....about 9 million calories per serving, of which at least 70% are pure fat - it's a tossup whether I get sick before bed, or have to leap up in an hour or two. Both from the richness, and because I feel guilty about not having done enough work this week.

One of the reasons for changing the pexola times and quantities was the puking thing. P-doc is so much the kind of guy who eats stress and thrives that when I told him last week that I'd been throwing up almost every day since I got hectically involved in the upgrade project, he gave me this really bewildered look. It is a stress thing - hey, you should see me and my Blonde workbuddy over actual upgrade implementation weekends. We literally take it in turns to go throw up out of nervousness. The best thing that happened when we worked together was that she married a very funny, very possessive guy with adult ADHD symptoms. Possessiveness meant that he couldn't bear to not see her over weekends so came with her to work whenever possible, the ADHD kept us distracted, and the funniness meant we relaxed a bit. P-doc found that hard to comprehend - that I could do a job that literally made me sick. Before I dropped out to go farming, I threw up at least twice a day for 18 months. I know IT professionals who have done that for 20 years - it's only when they reach management levels that it seems to stop. Go figure....there's more feeling of responsibility as a peon than when you are really in charge.

At least, one way or another, this can't carry on beyond the end of October - client has a change freeze over the year-end peak trading period, so if it hasn't happened by then, it won't happen until next Feb. Only 12 weeks of being sick almost every day. I'm drinking a stupendous amount less, eating at least once a day (aiming for twice, sometimes even three times) and eating healthy stuff - tonight excepted - and even getting some exercise in the garden. And I have knots in my stomach, nightmares, can't sleep properly at night but could nap out all day.....didn't feel this crap physically when I was casing 4 or 5 bottles of vodka a week! P-doc still mutters every week about excess, and that he's sure 17 doubles (once, only once!) would actually kill him.