Wednesday, October 31, 2007

not quite good...never quite good enough

no prizes for guessing the mood. Howled all over tdoc yesterday for no reason, and came straight home to the couch.

no gym today, but I did walk around a bit at the local dam catching an injured goose, so not quite bad either. And will repeat again tomorrow afternoon probably.

and after three nights of who let the dogs out on the alcohol, back to behaving for a few days. I really don't see that it makes anything worse, other than the one night out of probably 50 that I get morbid and tearful. So, with not drinking at all, I have at least two or three of those every week. Just speaking statistically it is probably better to drink. But hey, if it makes pdoc happy, I'll keep trying it.
And then he wants to know why I'm not being sociable.

ended up yesterday with 4 babies on hourly feeds - speckled mousebird from Fri (left the sparrow at the centre), and then accumulated 2 weavers and a white-eye. Added a teeniest redfaced mousebird today. Don't really want to keep them over next few days, but don't really want to hand them over either. Most of all don't want them to die, either with me, or at the centre (double helping of guilt then for not caring for them).

spring is not a good time of year for me anymore...

1 comment:

Aqua said...

Hi Jcat,
If it's any consolation I did not make ut to the gym either. I am in an extremely hostile/
irritable/anxious mood and I could not talk myself into going if my life depended on it. I will try again on Sunday. My pdoc made it really clear that even if I drink it is not a failure, it's a blip in my path towards stopping. Before, if I drank I would just say F*** it, I failed, might as well keep drinking. Now I say, "Whoops I slipped, and stop again.

My biggest problem with stopping drinking is I fail to feel/see the connection between my drinking and not drinking mood. I feel just as bad, maybe even worse, not drinking...bummer.