of baby season and everything that goes with that. Two years still of paying job in its current format, but boss has already said that his main reason for making me support other clients is so that I am committed to the team for longer, and have all the options available. Forty years or so still of living with myself somehow.
If I can't see how I get to next winter without sucking hosepipe, the prospect of eternity with myself is very uninviting. The things that could make a difference? None of them are things that I have any control over. And the more I try to change that, the less likely they are to happen. Actually, even thinking of them is probably enough to put a hex on them for eternity.
Born loser. I don't even want to detail the number of things I have screwed up today, which was - in terms of what/how many stuff-ups I made - pretty much an average day. Let's just say that every day contains more of them than even the most masochistic would want to put up with. And I have always had a really low pain threshold.
Think it's time to take meds and go to bed. In spite of the extra Remeron, I sleep really badly. Wake up and get out of bed every 90 mins. Wake up without getting up about every 60 mins. Scare myself stupid with what I wake up from on most of those. Scare the kitties almost as often. But hey, as revenge, bath-naps are unwakeable up from, no matter how I try. Asswipe loser forever, I guess....