same again...

...sore. Sober. Stiff. And miserable as all fuck. Long day, including another shift at the rehab centre. Where I excelled at being useless and did almost nothing but managed to be exhausted by it anyway. Now sitting here too tense to go to bed, and have just rediscovered that I am supposed to go to an all-day lunch/tea/dinner thing tomorrow. Ex-volunteer at the centre, who I actually like, is back home on holiday from an extended earning-some-real-money sojourn in the UK. I want to see her. Just not...yet. I'm not ready for any of the social things that seem to be coming way too fast, and way way not prepared for the whole Christmas bit.

I love my friends and family. Just don't want to have to see any of them. I am becoming more and more asocial, and don't know how to explain to people that it's not their fault - I feel as if my entire supply of social interaction is used up by people with birds/shop assistants/street vendors/other arbitrary conversations. Nothing left over for any more people, even the ones I care about.

I am just so tired of all this. Feeling crap. Feeling guilty. Dreaming about dying accidentally so that I don't hurt people any more. Enough already...