paralysed

So it's now Tuesday night, and I have yet to actually achieve anything of the work that I was supposed to be well into already. I try to get started. But within minutes of trying to work out what needs to be done first, I am overwhelmed by how enormous the task is, and how complex. And I end up just sitting here crying because I cannot conceive of a way to ever get the whole thing going. This is stuff I could do half-asleep, it's basic routine tasks. And at the moment it is completely beyond me.

There was another meeting this morning, and in a complete about-face from the attitude for the past year, everyone is now all fired up and ready to go. Except me.
As well as the stuff that I haven't even started, they now want the whole upgrade done on development this week. Pigs might well be airborne by Friday.

So as a mature, responsible individual, I have spent most of the day crying, and not getting started. And am now crying some more while I hit the vodka again.

The bird moratorium just isn't happening, either. The centre is trying not to give me calls for anything except mynahs and feral pigeons, but unfortunately there are huge numbers of people who insist that the teeny little dove that they have is actually a huge feral. And a whole bunch of vets and others just call me directly anyway. I am going to have to make a choice - either keep taking calls and not achieve anything else constructive, or stop and know that because of me a whole bunch of birds will get killed. I am damned either way.

I deserve whatever crap is coming shortly. Useless f-ing moron....